Sunday, September 30, 2012

"Sparks fly when we touch, It was never enough, It was just a crush"

Hello blogger world! I know, I haven't posted on here in forever! But, don't be sad, friends, because today, I'm going to talk to you about one subject that almost all girls can relate to: Boys. *Gasp!* Boys? OMG what Hottie McHottie do you have a mega crush on? Is he like, totes amazzzzze?? Ok, so, obviously I'm making a little bit of fun of the subject. :) And, if you do talk like that, than I'm sorry. Not trying to be offensive, just trying to have a little fun. :)

So, why am I talking about this, you may ask? Well, I'm talking about boys, or guys if that sounds better, because romance is something we ALL deal with, whether it be in heartbreak, heartache, love, crush, or just being happy being single. We all go through this kind of stuff, and we all deal with it, some in different ways than others. For me, I've had lots and lots of crushes over the years. But never a boyfriend. Of course, being 19 and having my life somewhat resemble the movie "Never Been Kissed" to some point can be difficult. I mean, I see my friends all, I guess for lack of a better word, "exploring" the world of dating. They go out, have fun, etc., etc. So why make such a big deal of this? Because. I mean, I'm honestly a hopeless romantic at heart. And I always see these romantic movies where the guy pursues the girl, who for some reason seems to think she's ugly when she's like a freaking super model, and everything always seems to work out in the end, no matter how imperfect the relationship had been throught the course of the movie, no matter how many times they fought, kissed, broke up, ignored each other, despised each other, and whatever else you can possibly think of, they always end up together. Which, I mean, I love that they are trying to show that relationships can work out and all, don't get me wrong. But what about those of us who are the real life girls who don't see ourselves as beautiful? What about those of us without perfect skin, or perfect bodies? What about those of us that are too shy to even speak up about we feel at the risk of getting rejected or made fun of? I don't know, maybe its just me, but sometimes I wonder why it is that I have the same personality as one of those shy girls that always ends up breaking out of her shell by the end of the movie, and yet in real life my prince charming is either nowhere to be seen or not interested. Am I the only one who feels the way? I mean, I used to HATE romantic movies because everything seemed so fake and mushy. I guess I still don't like movies that are purely romantic and dramatic. I'm sorrry if you like those movies, but they bother me so freaking much. I'd much rather sit down and watch a romantic comedy about some girl who is too scared to admit how she feels to the one she loves, trips and falls all over things, and is an amazing person that either just doesn't know how amazing they are, or is too afraid to own it. I guess I like that kind of character the best because that's how I act most of the time! I guess I just wished that the fairy tale, Hollywood ending would just happen to me, you know? Ok, admittedly, I just went on a bit of a rant there. Sorry. :)

So, now that we've covered the subject of romance in the movies (well, at least a smidgen of that subject), let's move onto the next subject that I have personally dealt with quite a bit in my life: unrequited love. Or, as it is more commonly known, crushes. Let's cut right to they chase on this one. They can either be super fun and awesome, or they can really REALLY suck. This is something at one point we have all either gone through, going to go through, or are going through. Now, those of us that have been there know that it's called a crush for a reason. What, you may ask, is that reason? Well, to answer your question, it is called a crush because it crushes you. Sounds painful, right? Well, in some cases, it is. But that doesn't mean all love like feelings are bad. Take it from a girl who has so been there before.

This calls for story time!! ;) All throughout my childhood, I had a crush on a boy. Since I was 3 or 4 years old, to be exact. Sounds a bit crazy, right? But it's not like it was always the same boy. But there was ALWAYS a crush that was either developing, fully grown, or in the downward spiral part of it all. It wasn't that sucky or anything, but it got old as time went on. Its like I was constantly searching for true love. Romance became more and more disappointing because I always got my hopes up for it, and every time, it'd never happen. Over time, I've begun to believe that the reason for this is because God has someone special for me, and that I shouldn't waste all my time on meaningless crushes that just resolve in heartache or heartbreak. But it isn't that easy to just turn off our hearts like that. I don't believe we were meant to shut off our hearts when something goes wrong. I believe we were meant to take those hardships and experiences, work through them, learn lessons in the process, and come out on the other end stronger than before. I think that applies to anything, not just love or crushes. Anyways, where were we again? Oh yeah, my non-existent love life. Well, it existed for me, but it didn't with the guys I liked.

That brings me to nowadays. Currently, I don't have a crush on anyone. Well, at least I thought I didn't. Now I'm not even sure. I mean, there is this one guy, but that's just a long story I don't feel like explaining. It's been so long since I've had a crush that I have no idea the difference between a crush and an interest is. However, I can say that I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm taking time to mentally recover from a physical illness, let my heart heal from hurts and scrapes from the past, and just learn who I am in the Lord. Not who a guy says I am, or who my friends say I am or should be, but who I am; who I was created to be. But believe me, if I fall in love, or go through heartache, all y'all will definitely hear about it!!

But, until then, I'll leave you with some advice. To those of you that are going through a crush, whether it be good or bad, or are hurting from a crush, if things don't exactly work out the way you have planned, don't give up on love, have faith, TAKE TIME TO RECOVER AND HEAL YOUR HEART, and then restart. But don't rush. I emphasized the take your time part for a reason. :) Just know that no matter what happens, you'll be fine in the end. Believe me, I know exactly what it feels like to fall for someone, and have it end up breaking every inch of your heart. I just recently started to feel whole again after having my heart really broken, and I know it hurts and takes a lot of time, but trust me. Everything that's happening is happening for a reason. And you'll be just fine in the end. :) Don't give up.

To those of you that have never ever ever had a crush, don't feel pressure to. There is no rush. Believe me, it is much better to be interested in no one at all then to worry, and panic, and then go from feeling like your heart is melting around them to feeling like a complete heartbroken fool. Whether you just haven't found someone that has caught your interest like that yet, or you just don't get the point of a crush, don't think too much about it. Let it happen when it happens, no matter what age you are. Just keep being yourself, and enjoy your life just the way it is. Besides, you have your whole life to think about love. The only love you need to fill your mind and heart with is the love of Jesus. :)

Well, sorry to cut this short, guys, but I could go on and on with this subject forever in so many different ways, and I just really don't feel like doing that today.

Well, as always, I have a few subject related song for you guys. Hopefully they help you in your current situation, or at least give you support or encouragement. Enjoy! :)

This song is just plain cute. :) It is currently one of my favorite love/crush songs. :)

You know that "crushing" part of crushes I mentioned earlier? Yeah, that's what this song describes. "I wasn't really in love...."