"Fear Is Just A Lie, Open Up Your Eyes"

Alright, the question needs to be asked. Am I the only one who even reads this? I mean, if so, then I may just continue posting whatever is on my heart, but if not, then I may start being a bit more selective about what I say. But here's the thing: I don't want to be constantly self-conscious about what I write. Can't I just be honest without the fear of being judged, or mocked, or ridiculed? Besides, where does this fear of what everyone else thinks even stem from, anyways? I mean, yes, when I originally started this blog like 3 years ago, my intention for it was to be more like an open diary. But, now that I'm finding that an open diary is a stupid idea for the most part, I've changed it a bit. I mean, I'm still honest in it like a diary, but I want to use it for inspiring others instead.

Maybe it still is an open diary, but just in a different format. Anyways, why am I even contemplating all of this? What does it even matter? Look, bottom line is that my goal is to help others, whether it be through this blog, in person, whatever. So I'm going to continue writing about what matters to me, and if it helps someone through a rough time or inspires them, awesome! If not, too bad! Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I am putting my foot down. I just can't keep trying to impress people by saying what I think they want me to say. I need to be real. And the stuff I've been writing more and more recently (as in last September to now)? That's me being real. Or, at least, learning to be. Even if my thoughts are not actually private here, I'm still gonna pretend they are. I'd rather be fearless, say what I want, and have people hate me for it, then sit back and just let everyone dictate what I like, or think about, and be walked all over.

Aghhhhh. Judgmental people who have NO idea of the situation that is going on in someone's heart/life, yet continue to sit back and judge as if they are God themselves just freaking annoy me. You have no right to judge my past, or my life, and (pardon my language) you sure as hell have no business assuming that my future will be like my past. I KNOW and BELIEVE that my past is my past, and I am free from that because of Jesus!!! You have absolutely no idea about half of the things I've dealt with in my life OTHER than illness!! So please quit acting like you know me. You really don't. I swore I'd never be a girl that wrote one of those "none of you know me, blah blah blah whatever" speeches like this, but I feel as if I'm being backed into a corner, and pushed up into the wall. I'm at my breaking point, and instead of holding it all in and letting it take me down, I'm feeling it and dealing with it!!! This is me venting my feelings about just stupid crap that happens a LOT. And no, I'm not trying to be judgmental. I'm just being 100% honest. I'm just so sick of feeling as if everything I do and say just isn't spiritual enough, or perfect enough, or whatever. News flash: NO ONE except JESUS is PERFECT!!!! So PLEASE quit trying to make everyone feel bad about showing the scars on their hearts! I'm learning for me, the best way to break out of my shell and be fearless is to wear my heart on my sleeve, and be unashamed of my past! To all my friends who know me well, you know that I've struggled with shame, guilt, fear, rejection, and humiliation for a loooooooooong time now, and I'm just not gonna hold that back. Holding all that stuff back is what got me into trouble in the first place. So now, all that's left for me to do is to let it go, and feel the light come back into my heart. To feel His light in my heart is what I need. It's the only thing strong enough to break through the dark. And you know what? I've begun to actually feel healing in my heart from all this emotional and spiritual bondage now! It's amazing to me that I can actually be free from my past, but I'm learning I most definitely can be!! :D


Wow, that was a rant. How did I even get on that subject? Anyways, I have a lot I'd like to say, and if you stay tuned, and keep your ears and heart open, you'll learn a lot about me. I don't even know what this post is even about. I'm definitely ranting for no reason, and I can barely keep my eyes open. But, I feel it was important to get this all out. Oh, and by the way, a song did pop into my head as I was ranting. :) I'll post that below. :)

Thanks for reading my really random rant! Like I said, I'm exhausted, frustrated, and trying hard to stay optimistic. So, if you feel inclided to do so, prayer is always welcome!! :)


-Samiiiiiiii :)