Reasoning

You know, for a while there, I almost wanted to delete this blog. I thought maybe it was getting too personal. And I didn't want to worry if others could see it. But I finally figured out that you say what you want to say. I know this will sound beyond cheesy, but I learned something while watching Spiderman today. There is always a choice. Whether the situation seems impossible or not, there is always a choice. Lately, I've chosen to make things complicated. I've been trying way too hard to make friends with a guy I like in hopes that he would see what I want him to see about me, and maybe possibly fall for me one day. But the truth is, If we're not meant to be, we're just not meant to be. I can't force a situation. Although I'd like for everything to go the way I want it to go, it probably won't. I'm not in control of those kinds of things. God is. And I talk a lot about how God is in control of the situation, and how I'm giving it all to him, but if I truly am giving it to him, than maybe I should stop trying to be something I'm not. I suppose you could say that this is an "easier said than done" situation. But it's actually quite simple when you think about it. I have a choice. I can either keep striving to make my life have a fairytale ending, or I can allow God to take my burdens and sit back and relax. I'm choosing to relax. I don't need to have control, although I thought I did. It's tiring to try and make someone fall in love with you. It just doesn't work. And I kept thinking that I had to "let him go" or "give up". But by letting God truly have the reigns of my life, I'm not really "letting him go", because I never had him. And as far as me "giving up", it's really not so much giving up as it is not worrying about this anymore. The truth is, even if I have an interest in a guy, that doesn't mean that I know why we met. Yes, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes, I don't really want to know what that reason is. I mean, if God wants me to know, he will show me later in time. But as for right now, right here in this moment, I'm going to enjoy my life. God will do beautiful and wonderful things in my life, and with me. And it's not a bad thing to pray about what He wants me to do in my life, but I'm not going to worry. Worrying is a time consuming, foolish thing to do. I've got better things to do that sit around and think about the "what ifs". So, that is all for now. Thanks for reading this if you took the time to. If not, that's ok. It was really me reasoning things out loud, or in a blog. :)

Merry Christmas/Happy New Year,
<3 Sami