Reasoning

You know, for a while there, I almost wanted to delete this blog. I thought maybe it was getting too personal. And I didn't want to worry if others could see it. But I finally figured out that you say what you want to say. I know this will sound beyond cheesy, but I learned something while watching Spiderman today. There is always a choice. Whether the situation seems impossible or not, there is always a choice. Lately, I've chosen to make things complicated. I've been trying way too hard to make friends with a guy I like in hopes that he would see what I want him to see about me, and maybe possibly fall for me one day. But the truth is, If we're not meant to be, we're just not meant to be. I can't force a situation. Although I'd like for everything to go the way I want it to go, it probably won't. I'm not in control of those kinds of things. God is. And I talk a lot about how God is in control of the situation, and how I'm giving it all to him, but if I truly am giving it to him, than maybe I should stop trying to be something I'm not. I suppose you could say that this is an "easier said than done" situation. But it's actually quite simple when you think about it. I have a choice. I can either keep striving to make my life have a fairytale ending, or I can allow God to take my burdens and sit back and relax. I'm choosing to relax. I don't need to have control, although I thought I did. It's tiring to try and make someone fall in love with you. It just doesn't work. And I kept thinking that I had to "let him go" or "give up". But by letting God truly have the reigns of my life, I'm not really "letting him go", because I never had him. And as far as me "giving up", it's really not so much giving up as it is not worrying about this anymore. The truth is, even if I have an interest in a guy, that doesn't mean that I know why we met. Yes, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes, I don't really want to know what that reason is. I mean, if God wants me to know, he will show me later in time. But as for right now, right here in this moment, I'm going to enjoy my life. God will do beautiful and wonderful things in my life, and with me. And it's not a bad thing to pray about what He wants me to do in my life, but I'm not going to worry. Worrying is a time consuming, foolish thing to do. I've got better things to do that sit around and think about the "what ifs". So, that is all for now. Thanks for reading this if you took the time to. If not, that's ok. It was really me reasoning things out loud, or in a blog. :)

Merry Christmas/Happy New Year,
<3 Sami

nervous butterflies or the flu?

So, lately I've been feeling this wierd feeling in my stomach. And at times, it hurts really bad. It feels like it's cramping, yet at the same time I like it. I don't think its the flu. I mean, it only happens when i think of one thing, or, um, person. It has got to be butterflies. And what sucks is that I can't get rid of them. It happens whenever I think of him. I get that feeling, and then I feel giddy, and I end up not wanting to eat very much. I think I may just be love sick. Head over heels, uncontrolably love sick. And whats weird is that I like it.... :D
He honestly inspires me to write not only songs, but also poems. And when one thing happens with him and I (like when he talks to me for maybe 2 minutes tops), I just can't stop writing. The words flow out of me so fast, and I love it. He is the first guy who has ever inspired me to write this much. I'm thinking God allowed us to meet for a reason, and this might just work out to be ok. But, I need to pray about it. I'm not going to work myself up for something that will just let me down in the end.
"I get this feeling that if I fell in love with you, you wouldn't know what to do...."
Well, that's all for now.
<3 Sami


"You give me love, love, love, love, crazy love"- Crazy Love by Michael Buble
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td7y8evEV7c

L.O.V.E.

So. Here I sit in Chemistry class. I know I'm supposed to be researching things for my project, but my mind is everywhere else right now. I can't concentrate. Maybe it's because of a certain boy in a certain class......or maybe it's because my mind has been going off of 4 hours of sleep every night for the past month. I'm not sure, really. But I do know that it doesn't help that I have been stressed out lately. I am starting to think clearer now that I am well rested (my mom let me rest this morning and come to school for the last 3 classes).
One thing that has changed, since I've gotten sleep last night, is that this boy I like isn't everything. My mind has been consumed with him lately, and It really shouldn't be. I can't remember why I was ever overly-giddy about this. I think I'm starting to remember that there are more important things in life than boys, pointless crushs, and being "popular". I shouldn't care about the opinions of those at that stupid school. I have more important things going on in my life, and I should focus on what I came here to do: graduate and get into a good college. I should quit worrying about little things and focus on what God has planned for me. He is in control, and I have to remind myself of that all the time.

Anyways, I need to go do homework now. I'm singing at youth group for the second time tonight! :D

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